Messy Moments

Psalm 51 must be one of the most impactful parts of scripture in navigating my journey through motherhood.  The richness and fullness of which I won’t be able to capture in just a single blog post.  But I can capture the words that impact me today, in this moment.  And I believe so many mothers out there need these words to impact their overwhelmed, sleep deprived, somewhat anxious hearts too. 

David cries out to the Lord in this chapter, so ashamed of all the mistakes he has made, so ashamed to realise that God knows it all.  And so very aware that he can’t turn it around in his own strength.  But as he repents and turns his heart towards the Lord, he utters these words…

“I know that you delight to set your truth deep in my spirit.

So come into the hidden places of my heart

and teach me wisdom.” – Psalm 51:6

My mothering heart is so undone by this prayer – It brings me to a place where words simply die down. A place where all the many plans I try to make to do the best, be the best, and raise the best kids can only be surrendered at the feet of the best example of parenthood.  The Lord takes delight in sharing His heart, His Truth, His comfort with us.  He LOVES seeing how we are set free by His guidance.  And all it takes is an invitation… Come into the hidden places of my heart and teach me…

He doesn’t make it hard for us, He knows the battles you already fought today.  He understands your struggles.  He knows the weight of your responsibility.  He knows how many times you were up last night.  He knows how concerned you were over that high fever.  He knows the way your heart wrenched when you heard that cry as some little one fell over their own feet running through the house.  He knows how many times you checked your bank account as you were planning the meals for the week ahead.  He knows what it would mean to have those burdens lifted off your shoulders. He DELIGHTS in bringing you into that secret place where He ministers to YOUR heart. 

I guess one of the most valuable lessons I have learned lately is that it doesn’t all have to be perfect for this encounter to take place.  I have spent many days and weeks and months in frustration because I felt I was unable to “create” a moment, to set the stage for an encounter that would have value.  And I kept missing out, because my house was never as tidy as I wanted it to be, it was never as quiet as I felt it needed to be, and I hardly ever had a day where I felt proud of every moment of parenting… Instead I felt ashamed of the mistakes I had made, I felt messy, and tired, and imperfect.  And in my own heart that disqualified me from an encounter where the Lord would bless me with wisdom and courage and strength.  Until I had a glimpse through the eyes and heart of David.  And I learned that the moment doesn’t have to be perfect, it doesn’t have to be staged, it doesn’t have to be an hour at 5am filled with fireworks and gold dust.  It’s more than okay if it’s a moment filled with grace where a tired mom is sitting on a messy kitchen floor.  Because as she feels Jesus touch her face, and smile over her children, and not care about the dirt on the floor, she melts into a moment with Him where she can receive from His heart.

Be intentional. 

Take that moment. 

Pray that prayer. 

Receive that wisdom.